Living without regrets? Part one

 IF ONLY?

Here we go down the Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda trail?  No.... over the next three posts we are going to grab the gold out of regrets and leave the sludge by the side of the road on our seeking peace and joy journey.  

So regrets?   Impossible.  If you have no regrets you have no ability to dream.     

Let’s start with “what is a regret?”  

a regret is not a mistake or a failure.  If you slip on the ice and then get up you may think you made the mistake of walking in the wrong place, but if you didn’t spill your beer or break your tailbone... you might have no regrets at all.   You see regret is an emotion.  So like almost all emotions.... and i would claim all emotions... regret is temporary.   So the power of regrets depends upon two things.   The first is how many times the events tied to that emotion comes up and second how we process them and whether we make them useful or not.  

We can drag them around or we can harvest their wisdom. If you don’t want to drag them around and answer every time they knock, then maybe the key is to understand  different types of regrets and how to rip them apart or “fix” them or at least set them free.  

however, at the risk of mixing metaphors and that’s a choice I never regret let’s say regrets generally come from not being pleased with something that already happened.  Therefore, you are moving backward to begin with and what we want is  to move forward with seeking peace and joy so how about we connect regrets with  either a bow and arrow or a slingshot?  Wither way you are pulling your thoughts and emotions  back to a past thing and then if you can let it fly with the lesson  now targeting new experiences you can move ahead stronger and faster than before so to speak.   so  have a regret—grab your weapon for moving forward.   That just may change your mind about what regrets can be.

Daniel Pink wrote this book on “The Power of Regrets.”  I’m not as uplifted about regrets as he seems to be, and yet regrets seem to be hurdles in seeking peace and joy so I’m stealing some his information  to use as tools here.   

Types of regrets

Regret is an emotion tied to four interconnected roots.  In other words there seem to be four root types of regrets and understanding them can help us get the lessons.   

Type I  “Foundational” Regrets

Do your regrets start itch the sentences 

I wish I would have studied more...

I should have learned to play an instrument like the ?

If I only would have chosen to be a  ? Way back when...

Well these  type of regrets mean you believe  you have some skills or talents missing. That could help you now and that you should have learned them earlier when you might have had the chance.  

So in seeking peace and joy we pretty much know you can’t go back—it’s not a Hansel and Grettle universe.  So the questions to ask yourself are?

1. Given the way the world has changed since you were younger could. You have predicted what the present would be like or what the future will be like?
2. Have you read all the predictions made in the past and have they all come true?
3. Can you start today and use the lessons you have learned in other areas to jump start  the learning and skill development needed...in other words do you know what transfer skills and characteristics you have grown?

AND DID YOU HAVE A GROUP OF CHOICES AT THE TIME AND PICK WHAT YOU THOUGHT WAS THIRD OR FOURTH. ON THE LIST OF THINGS YOU MIGHT DO?  

Well I could go into the second type of regret, however, i predict I’ve written enough for today... I think so.... but if I should have written more I won’t regret the choice tomorrow

So ... then we will go “boldly” forward.