A Tribute to John D. Raschendorfer—Why You Live Today and then Set Things Down This will be the second part of what will now be a three part post on setting things down. What do I mean by setting things down? Well in the simplest way I can put it we all carry our past around with us somehow thinking the answers to our unanswered questions are “buried in all the learning and experiences we have had. Well I guess the only point I made in my post yesterday was that we can’t carry all the same questions forward every day and (the memories and lessons that i call) ghosts we allow to tag along and haunt us just aren’t all that helpful many of the days. But back to my point for today John Raschendorfer passed away yesterday morning (reportedly from a massive heart attack) and so when I heard of this my mind shifted to my memories of him. He was a classmate of mine and part of his family lived down the street from my family. So I wanted to honor his ghost and its lessons today and maybe even understand what I needed to carry forward. John was not interested in women in that sort of way—-which is the only description that was allowed at that point in time and he was not particularly athletic which sort of put him in the “misfit”category. Well for many reasons I sort of felt like a misfit in my youth and around John when he would wander up the alley to “play basketball” or just chat a bit… he seemed pretty comfortable and was always smiling. We talked a little about school but mostly like introverts do…. we just talked about the news of the day and the next thing mother nature was going to hand us…which in Iowa was a popular topic because the weather in our town changes about every 13 minutes. Anyway there never seemed to be anything of importance said but there wasn’t discomfort either. Now John’s family to me was a different story. I mostly knew his grandfather and his uncle (who happened to be our mail carrier). Yet my memories specifically of his entire family was how gentle they were. I don’t want to insult my parents here…or anywhere for that matter, however these people seemed like the most gentle people I knew when I was a kid of 13-15 and I often wondered how they managed to be that way. Which brings me to my question for today and tomorrow …the one I wil be looking to answer… How does one stay forceful and remain gentle? So over the next few days I’ll be asking myself that and learning from my gosts and watching the world around for answers too. That’s the gift of a question John left me….Thank you John He also seemed from all reports to most always have a smile on his face…… I rarely smile….I’m not that unhappy so I have a second question….why don’t I make it a habit to smile more often? How hard could that be…. apparently pretty hard for me so far LOL. That leads me to my final little section for today…. Abpit a year ago or 15 months ago I had a “messenger” chat with John because he had posted something on Facebook I found humorous and then a little later posted a picture of his mom… and somehow I figured I should reach out just to say I was sorry for not actively including him in things at high school (not that I initiated all that much and I hope the statute of limitations has expired on some of my minor pranks). I don’t know if I was afraid to ask him along or I just didn’t thing he belonged, or even if he might have wanted to ride around town and which over 300 political candidate signs into the yards of people supporting the other candidate—-or plant that huge for sale sign in front of our school because after all it was not really getting all that much attention where it was planted and it hardly seemed fair for a sign of that magnitude to just be in a vacant lot. But the reality is… I never asked him if he wanted in and I wanted to apologize if that made him feel more like a misfit. He gracefully accepted my apology and assured me that I had never done anything intentionally to make fun of him or make him feel uncomfortable. He did however state that we could have placed the sign a little differently in the school lot so that everyone driving up to school could have gotten a better look at it…. and that if we ever planned to do that again we should also try to find a lighted sign. Our conversation ended with a “keep in touch and an LOL from both of us. So here’s what I learned from John that day—-he could have handed me my hat and said go away… why should i want to talk with you? He did not. When could have spent most of our chat talking about how hard it had been to have his parents pass away …he could have talked about 100 painful things and I would have listened to every one because I figured I owed him that. He didn’t go back over old ground except to follow me there and maybe that’s a way to stay gentle…not picking at your scars all the time. That’s something we all might learn from John and when I say “we” I mean me. I alos think he looked for reasons to smile or set it as his default . Well I am pretty sure I won’t be able to do that every day (how’s that for optimism?), but maybe for one hour out of every three I’ll set a timer on my phone and give it a shot…what do I have to lose? So two questions that John has given me for tomorrow—How do Istay forceful and gentle? How do I smile more—because I am really not that unhappy? and a third question is this…. How am I going to honor John by making sure I invite someone into the “inner circles” that I do have in my life? That will be the hardest I think and some of my other ghosts will have to help me with that. Well if any of my classmates or others who knew John happen upon this and have anything to add —Please do… I want to learn what other lessons he would have had for me if I had asked…. and that leads me to the other secret of laying things down every night…. make sure you ask for help in seeking the answers for today…because there is wisdom everywhere and a little in almost everyone. Tomorrow I will wrap us this little tribute to my ghosts and how to set them down… for now John —i think you have already shown me how to set my past with you down… Rest in Joy and thanks John My tribute to John