Is it the same old story? No

 WRITE YOUR OWN STORY?

Well…. Over the last three entries we’ve looked at people and their experiences as being a function of “types or traits,” “machine-like cause and effect actions,” and growth (much like a seed that gets  nurtured and produces fruit.  We.alll have tendencies  to look at each other. In these ways from time to time and most the time it seems. Our culture and varying environments adopt  one of these in a  fairly enthusiastic manner.  Eachof these has some utility and some notable drawbacks in a changing dynamic world and human existence.  More about this shortly…however …let’s throw in one more meta perspective on humans and our experience of seeking peace and joy before  a completely inadequate conclusive summary.  

One of the largest sections in the literary  collections of some libraries and a dominant features of Wikipedia  and other encyclopedia-type references is the biography/autobiography/memoir sections.  In short we seem to be fascinated by the story of our lives.  We recount experiences in narrative  forms and when we try to make sense of a sequence of sensorial happenings—we turn to the story as the explanatory  frame.  For example our most common family story is… 

Boy meets girl Girl lowers herself to  accept a flawed mate (just kidding)  Boy and Girl fall in love and marry….. Boy and girl have  a physical relationship that creates children— Parents teach children to work hard, treat each other okay and use a spoon.  Children become adolescents and teens.  Teens eat everything  and stop listening as they attempt to teach their parents how to use current technology and well through some miracle the boy meets girl story story repeats itself.  Welll perhaps that story is breaking down a bit these  days and yet is a story our culture  promotes and subtly  or not so subtly  reinforces.  When asked to “tell us about”  someone’s life” we often use the narrative  as the organizing  format going from where someone. Was born  -the geographic context to family relationships- the social/genetic  context, the careers or vocational purpose context  and then we weave in the “Path or pattern  which can be a straight line or  it can be an overcoming  story of a story that has a generally  advancing and upward  progression or a downwards spiral.  Did you ever notice that we talk about a person spiraling out of control or in a downward spiral and yet we don’t talk  about folks that seek peace and joy , experimenting  and starting  a fresh and eventually finding some integrated value/behavior patterns as  being in an upward spiral?  

Anyway one of the most powerful aspects of using the narrative  or story way of understanding people and their experiences is that we can picture each of us as being the writer of our own stories and the “external” aspects  of life as being the contexts, the scenery, the other characters, and the plots they/we live through.  While we are all actors in each other’s Oscar winning lives only the individual gets to decide how the story goes or what the experiences mean and in seeking peace and joy that means each of us gets a lot of choices in turning horrible  instances into turning points in the epic growth  story we would rather  have.   In short in a story we can write that we got up and moved forward to a new town, a new scene, a new act in our multi-act play… In fact justloooking at experiences as a multi-facet deal can serve to make most of life  gifts that we hold temporarily in the moment.  

If we look at each other. As the writier’s of our stories we can become  a variety of characters in each other’s lives and each of us as authors  can bend the rules  of creativity in such a way that  we move  beyond the rigidity  of types, break the limits of If A happens then B will happpen, wwe can make oranges come from apple seeds, and it really only has to fit in our narrative to make sense.  

Of course this way of looking at folks has its problems.  As noted earlier we often have cultural stories that  just don’t fit what individuals authors would like to write.  For example, many people with disabilities are taught the “overcoming” their disabilities story and to take credit for doing ordinary things….which is okay except for that narrative also comes with the “bonus’ of being seen  as a tragic figure. To be pities and devalued in other ways.  In fact some folks with disabilities refer to this as “inspiration porn.”  

Well now that we’ve explored each of these ways of thinking about tend feeling. Theour experiences be those of others where do we stand?

I don’t know….

EXCEPT—

Imagine  if you are trying to help someone else reframe an experience or help yourself  align your next choice with a value you hold.  Empathy can  and self understanding  can be big weapons in that  battle and instead of having only. One lens to look through or only one lens to offer someone else you now have a pocketful.  It might not matter which one you choose to begin with just like when you go to get glasses….. you can adjust and say “is this better or worse?”  The point is not using the “right” idea…it is sharing enough ideas to have an experiences to be shared and lived  by more than  one person and more than once.  

Epilogue 

Someone asked me  which of these models I agree with the most?  Well they all work in some ways at some times however I’d say I want to be the writer of my growth story and that means those two models. Feel the most like who I am learning to become…Yet  if you want to connect with me through “type” frames or doing this leads to that thinking… I’m in that’s why a builder has more than a hammer.  

I have a daughter getting married. This weekend so upset alert  the next post might be something about  marriage and weddings?