Today is the 13th of December so if it worked this way it would be the “first day” of Christmas wrapping up with full stockings and who Hash on the 25th. However, that’s not how it is. So what’s the deal…well let’s just look at Christmas By the Numbers shall we?
So it’s only fitting to begin with the number 8. Why eight? Well almost every year before Christmas the winter holiday season kicks off with the festival of lights known as Hanukkah. Speaking of the festival of lights—if you count my mini tree we have about 180 feet of pulsating sparkling joy infusing our living room with the Yuletide Spirit. Now only Newton Einstein (Santa’s smartest elf) has the foggiest notion what a “yuletide” is… Now back to that eight day thing. Now it is not at all groovy to discount this ancient religious celebration so tomorrow or whenever the next day of writing happens… there will be more irreverent remarks about that… All I know for sure is that I have 25 tea light candles that I can light by pressing a little switch and that’s enough for three Menorah or is the plural of menorah actually Menorahs?
So we have eight days of that… and why does the Christian tradition celebrate 12 days? Well some monks and smarty pants scholars claim it has to do with the estimated time between the arrival of Jesus and the appearance of the three wise men. Now why did it take so long for these wise men to show? Well first, it takes a while to find THREE “wise” men… One or two…hey..no problem but three? Some reports that this trio were kings and came in on camels. Now that makes some sense since three egotistic men, kings or not aren’t going to stop anywhere for directions and first century camels, even with two humps weren’t equipped with GPS so 12 days seems about right? Oh and according to the most repeated reports these camel jockeys came with some swag for the savior. They were hauling Gold, Frankinsense and Myrrh? Now gold we all understand. It’s a sign of “kingship.” Frankincense is a really strong aroma and a symbol of deity and look if you are going to a party in a manger and bringing camels, you are going to want to be freshening up the air somehow. Now myrrh is somewhat of a mystery. I’ve been in a lot of retail and wholesale places and not once have I ever seen myrr. Not even at Cosco have I seen Gluten-free myrrh or sugar-free myrrh reduced by 40% in the “after Christmas sale bin. So what is Myrrh anyway. The best that I found out was that it is an oil used in special ceremonies including embalming and end of life gatherings/processes. So one wise guy gets to bring gold. Another gets to make the place smell better. However, the third guy must have drawn the short straw can you hear the conversation? King Elijah you bring some of that gold… King Solomon you bring that cologne, and well you King Ralph… grab some of that funeral oil alright?”
It’s hard to say if the 8 days and 12 days are completely accurate as maybe both time periods were only 8 days but the christians…especially the Catholics like to make sure all their religious events last a long time—have you been to an Easter Mass? Oh and some of us remember when “Black Friday” only lasted one day.
Well now we have 8 days 3 wise men and 12 days and here’s one more number to ponder. A very highly respected banking corporation has been tracking the cost of .the collected partridge through drummers line-up. This year the cost due to inflation has risen about 3% and now would run in the very wealthy neighborhood of $46,729.86… which means the wise men probably got off pretty cheap.
Okay… this is just the first of several…but not twelve holiday entries… so ho ho hold on to your stockings before hanging them with care…
More soon
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