The Illusion of Control and the Control of Illusion (a very strange balancing act we do in seeking PEACE & JOY)
The ring announcer steps to the microphone and addresses the crowd…. they arena is buzzing with excitement. The words come tumbling out. “In this corner we have hope, curiosity, promise, talentt, and a willingness to take some risks. In the opposite corner we have discomfort with uncertainty, fear of losing public opinion , a need to be understood, and questions about how your known world will respond to significant change. The referee might as well skip any explanation of how this needs to be a fair fight and with the sound of the bell… the “winner take all battle to the finish is on.
Sometimes seeking peace and joy seems like this type of battle not a gentle growing in serenity and happiness. Sometimes it seems like a brawl within where intellect and emotions are separated at times and at times are throwing brutal jabs and hooks within your soul.
Why? Well after some meditation, prayer, and thought. With a whole lot of wondering how I got here and where is it that I am pondering, the best I can do is this tentative conclusion (which is a fancy way of saying here’s my guess my friends).
There are times in life where the bus stops and lets you off at the intersection of Control Street and Illusion Avenue. You aren’t quite sure if you have to adjust your control over some illusions or whether you have forgotten that sometimes you operate with a degree of illusions of control.
What in the world dow this mean? Well as best as I can explain (because I’m somewhat close to that intersection right now) is this. Controlling illusions is about thoughts and feelings that everyone knows and sees all your faults and mistakes and can’t possibly understand the way you see the world and wouldn’t forgive you if “they really knew the mistakes you make.” So you sit wondering how or if you could explain all this to those you love and trust and thus gain a little more control of your illusions.
Or on the other hand you look at all that has happened and all that could happen and really start to doubt that there is a true cause and effect relationship between thoughts and actions, actions and results, results and change, and adding that all up choices and responsibilities. Oh and add in the public and private aspects of all of that too just for a little extra complexity. For those things fall into the bucket of what might be called an illusion of control.
Having said all this—I have come to realize many people don’t let their minds and should even ask the types of questions that bring many of us to this point because doing so is staring into the very chasm of being a spiritual being in a human world. From time to time I envy those who avoid coming fact to face with this, but believe many of us would be richer people they stepped a bit closer to some of these things. Life is never quite the same once you dip your tows into this pool and maybe you are never quite immune to the haunting nature of its complexity after that.
So what’s a person to do? If you are seeking peace and joy it is not all that close to that intersection—or is it? You see maybe if you can be courages and curious and believe enough in those around you or that you will find others on the other side of the intersection, then seeking peace and joy where you are and with what you have becomes a little clearer (not easier) but clearer. Maybe you’ve finally learned what peace and joy mean for you and maybe you will learn how to engage in the journey in a new way. For me there will always be recycling where I don’t know why things happened or where my next step should be. The thing I have learned is to be glad to be able to regroup and take a next step no matter how doubtful I might be. I have learned to think about the people I know who have stared into the chasm and how rich their souls are. I have learned that I can stop a minute and get stalled, however I can’t stop where I am because then I have not finished my services to the universe. Knowing that, peace and joy in the seeking is possible and that is what I have learned.
Okay, I am going to wrap this up because for some of you who have read this far and don’t really grasp what I am saying, there is no amount of further writing that will get you there right now and I apologize for this rant. For those of you who identify with most of this, always know that you have an partner and friend ringside.
Peace and Joy are worth the effort because of lessons we learn on the journey…and sometimes they fall freely from the sky like so many warm raindrops and sometimes they come in the form of a wicked left hook to the jaw. Either way you can get from here to there. You may have to climb a couple mountains…. and that will be what I talk about next time… For now there’s the bell….time to start round 22,001.
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