What’s that famous sitcom or romance about to tank line? We need to talk? Yep that’s it. How different would life be if that line always came out as “we need to listen?”
What is at the core of Listening?
If you do any research at all the experts will almost always describe “good” or “active” listening as a set of skills and then hsigvhlight each one. This set of skills often describes open ended questions—you know not things like “Have you stopped beating your wife?” giving. Good nonverbal feedback like nodding your head. No—not like you do in church sometimes when the. Weather is warm and the sermon gets too long—that’s called nodding off. giving comments that encourage expansion like could you tell me more. Of course there is the reflection or summing statement of “what I hear you saying is—-“. Oh and I have nothing bad to say about these ideas, however, these are mustard on the hot dog of listening...What do hot dogs have to do with listening? Absolutely nothing except that when you say hot dog you think everyone knows what is being said and the reality is that a hot dog at the school cafeteria is nothing like a hot dog at the ball game and let’s say eating 74 hotdogs means you like hot dogs while eating 74 hot dogs in ten minutes means you are the world champ.
Can you tell it’s about lunch time?
Anyway the point is context or culture trumps specifics or plans every time.
Back to Listening but first I encourage you to use a couple acronyms... offered by Oren Sofer modified by me—WAIT!
Anytime you go into a situation where you claim to be listening be asking yourself two very important questions.
What
Am
I Thinking and Why Am I Talking
The average person can think way faster than the average person can talk so as someone talks to you or with you will tend to santicipate what’s coming, synthesize the information you are hearing and thinking about, and most important you will be forming a response. Unfortunately, many times folks skip right to step three in this sequence. Instead of being present in the moment of the conversation your brain drags you forward into the what am I going to say zone. So that makes it hard to actually. Even hear what someone else is saying and also shuts down. Two other components of listening that really matter—true curiousity and caring. Rally being curious about. What someone is saying and really caring to know and understand someone do more to improve listening that’d any question you may ask or any reflection technique you can use.
What’s that famous sitcom or romance about to tank line? We need to talk? Yep that’s it. How different would life be if that line always came out as “we need to listen?”
What is at the core of Listening?
If you do any research at all the experts will almost always describe “good” or “active” listening as a set of skills and then hsigvhlight each one. This set of skills often describes open ended que3stions—you know not things like “Have you stopped beating your wife?” giving. Good nonverbal feedback like nodding your head. No—not like you do in church sometimes when the. Weather is warm and the sermon gets too long—that’s called nodding off. giving comments that encourage. Expansion like could you tell me more. Of course there is the reflection or summing statement of “what I hear you saying is—-“. Oh and I have nothing bad to say about these ideas, however, these are mustard on the hot dog of listening...What do hot dogs have to do with listening? Absolutely nothing except that when you say hot dog you think everyone knows what is being said and the reality is that a hot dog at the school cafeteria is nothing like a hot dog at the ball game and let’s say eating 74 hotdogs means you like hot dogs while eating 74 hot dogs in ten minutes means you are the world champ.
Can you tell it’s about lunch time?
Anyway the point is context or culture trumps specifics or plans every time.
Back to Listening but first I encourage yyou to WAIT!
Anytime you go into a situation where you claim to be listening be asking yourself two very important questions.
What
Am
I Thinking and Why Am I Talking
The average person can think way faster than the average person can talk so as someone talks to you or with you will tend to santicipate what’s coming, synthesize the information you are hearing and thinking about, and most important you will be forming a response. Unfortunately, many times folks skip right to step three in this sequence. Instead of being present in the moment of the conversation your brain drags you forward into the what am I going to say zone. So that makes it hard to actually. Even hear what someone else is saying and also shuts down. Two other components of listening that really matter—true curiousity and caring. Really being curious about What someone is saying and really caring to know and understand someone do more to improve listening that’d any question you may ask or any reflection technique you can use.
WHY AM I TALKING?
Another. WAIT is also important . Listening on the part of any members in a conversation is often hijacked because it is not clear that the people in the conversation are talking to achieve the same purpose. One person may be talking to share information while the other may be talking to argue a certain point based on a subset of the information available. One person may be on a mission of discovery. And understanding while another may be trying to stop the spre3ad of unwanted disagreements. therefore, it is important for any listener to be clear with themselves with regard to the purpose of what they are saying in the conversation. Hence, “explain to me the difference you see in races?” —-what does that mean in the context of understanding. Social conditions verses the comparative challenges of tracks horses might run in the triple crown.
So if you want to listen maybe its time to “WAIT” or ask yourself to reflect on the context and culture surrounding the3 words that you hear and use.
So I’ve written a lot here and there is more to say about. Listening and thinking so we’ll come back tomorrow. To prepare for tomorrow ..imagine you have to tell someoneto find your house from the closest shopping mall if their GPS or phone wasn’t an option... why? Because using the best set of talking tools helps listening and tomorrow we are. Going to discover some fabulous ways to pick out your strongest tools for talking and listening.
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